Fortitude in Truth

   Individuals often have trouble being assertive or confrontational, resulting in an odd inability to say 'no' to almost anything.  No one wants to hurt feelings or disappoint another, so they either say 'yes' or 'maybe' as a sort of linguistical flight from the situation.  However, this dishonesty generally causes more trouble than would just saying 'no'.  If one is unavailable or disinterested there is nothing wrong with saying so.  Its much more of a hassle to encourage hope in a hopeless situation.  This also relates to the physical realm of action, which as we know, metaphorically, speaks louder than words.  If we can't act the part then the hope can be detrimental and there is no justice or righteousness that comes from going through the motions with your head and heart in another place.  Being true in word and deed, a classically chivalrous or courtly ideal that do not seem to have much presence in modern values, (I would say) can mean the world.  It's not always easy, and may sometimes seem harsh, but if we are truer to those around us, we become better for grand principle and honest love.

Forms of Assistance (part 2, action)

   Continuing from my un-read post about empathy, I persevere onto the kind of action that our ideal's should create.  They hardly ever do because, honestly, as lovely as ideals are, they are difficult to uphold and are therefore seemingly anti-human, which is then what defines them as ideals.  In any case, we will move to my current goal (which is close to an ideal, but not as elevated) of empathy towards love [inspired by amy winehouse's song "love is a losing game"].

   Empathy can be related to innumerable situations based on the idea that it relates to every experience, however when it comes to love (which is going to be my focus this evening because trying do empathy in the general sense is scary (and even trying to do just empathy and love is intense)) we can look at is as naive, romantic, stupid, perfect, or denialistic (among others).  However, we can also understand it as real (if you've ever believed you've been in love then you and I know that it's real [despite the cynicality I may use to perceive or present it]).  And, if we are taking the generous approach to other realities (such as sadness (which we already do)), then we should be able to appreciated the happiness of others as real, just as pain and loss are true.  Disbelieving happiness and love tends to be a consistent prerogative instead of appreciating and enjoying someone else's general good fortune.  More often we approach situations with a judgmental edge, which has to do with critical assessment as well, but this post is a call for using empathy instead of judgement in an honestly kind and understanding way.  How often do we get the opportunity to appreciate and relate within happiness and love?  Why should we only share our sorrows when there is happiness to be spread as well?

   But, this neglects the point that, as dumb as love may be, if we don't judge or be more cynical about ourselves, then we should let the lovers love and not pop their bubble because of our own (or my own) bitterness.  Now, I'm not sure that love can exist under true scrutiny, and I don't know that it would be anymore real even if it did, but this sort of just makes us think of how we judge and what love means in one fell swoop.  I want to break arrogance and move to a reality of connection between humanity. I believe that empathy is the key to this ideal of community and reality, essentially.  Empathy can connect us in the most basic sense of experience and within our individual interiority which we hold so dearly apart.  It's just a shift in ideals, but the problem is the action that needs to happen but is staved by fear.  All our troubles can be traced back to fear, but I don't know that's ever going to change...

For the Love of Empathy (part 1, realization)

   I know its been awhile, so I'm doing this in a two part set to give your lovely thoughts a buffet after the famine.  I want to start by looking into the ideas of sympathy and empathy.  Many people do not seem to understand these concepts in exact terms, especially in difference, so I will explain what each is and how they are important.  Firstly though I want to try a little paradigm shift with what you may perceive of these ideas.   It doesn't work as well with sympathy as it does empathy but, since language is a growing and changing conception, in theory, anything can have whatever meaning we assign, so here is the paradigm shift and my reconstruction of definition, or as I think is more apt, definition renovation.  Instead of looking at these words and imagining that they only apply to negative situations, think of them as relevant to the understanding of and connection with all scenarios.  We think of them generally in relation to pain or sorrow, but how much more can we understand and connect to each other if we realize the similarities of all our emotions and experiences.  It seems to lessen the ideals of individuality but reinforces the diminishing form of communities.  Personally I have a great deal of difficulty with ideas of community and a sort of extreme loss of control and space but, when thought about at a safe distance, it seems like a beneficially healthy pursuit.  I think its more us naturally than what we are on are own, but we never really look into to far, except for those we might label as extremists, and I think a large part of it, which is my consistent hang up, is that people really cannot be trusted fundamentally.  But, I have digressed and trust is a post for another day.  Back to sympathy and empathy.

   Sympathy and empathy are, with respect to my definition renovation, the way we relate to others.  Sympathy being the way we can relate to another person's scenario based on general themes of understanding and/or observational knowledge; (though if you look up the proper definition it will be less about how we relate and more on what we relate to, ie. pity and sorrow for another's misfortunes.  But, this is distracting to the point I'm trying to make ^_^).  Empathy, on the other hand, is the way we relate to each other with experiential knowledge and, what I would say is, a truer understanding.  We've both done it, or felt it (whatever 'it' may be) and, therefore, when we relate our situations there is a mutual understanding of the reality.

   I know that, for me, when someone empathizes with my situation I feel connected and solaced by that in a way that is properly true, and what we possibly are supposed to be, in relation to community and human connection, becomes. [I know that this vague and riddled with interpretation, but as an understanding of very limited and privileged sense of society its the best I can hope for in the general sense, and to me this is the core of what is important.]  Sympathy, however genuine, lacks actually understanding and is therefore nullified as meaningful, unfortunately.  Meaning, for everything, being the ultimate goal, makes it difficult to waste time on anything that doesn't relate, sadly.  But, now, to the point.

   The reason for this definition renovation, specifically, is that I find that there are multiple ways to empathize.  I have no patience for sympathy these days because the more experiences I have, along with the additional difficulties they present, the more meaningless the absence of real understanding becomes; however empathy, integrated into all situations, is quite powerful.  To be able to connect with someone else in a very organic sense provides many of the basic feelings that make us human and develops community (which as I've already said is (possibly) the natural state of humanity) and creates the actualities that separate us from other species.  But, I want to re-make the point that it does not have to only be a part of the negative form that it has been confined to for so long.  We can empathize with everything.  More specifically (again), being with falling in love.  [Falling in love and the realization of it as a conception will be coming soon,  but in the meantime, if you have never fallen in love you won't ever understand, and if you have you'll understand all too well.]

   Disney has provided us with ideals of love spanning a limited range, but at least its something.  However, as soon as you really look at people in love, and experience love yourself, you'll never realize how confusing and subjective it truly is.  And this is where empathy enters.  I have found that, though I have been in love, and that fact will never change even as my perceptions of love do, its better and more honest to empathize with lovers rather than judge their decisions within love; because, even if you've never done it, you've probably seen the idiocy of love.  I've done it, time and time again, but that, to me, allows me some more insight and wisdom/empathy in the subject to have a minimal say; but, lately that say has been less kind than I'd like to see, and here we fall into part two ^_^

Falsehoods and Fantasies

   I realized after the fact that my last three posts have all had titles starting with F, so I decided to continue this trend just for the sake of it ^_^

   Now, this current topic is one that I've been trying to work out for awhile and might even need to be expanded on more or taken in another direction later, but it has to do with lies.  More specifically, the ways and effects of how we allow the fallacies of fantasies and falsehoods to influence us.  The difference between a fantasy and falsehood is that fantasies are the lies we tell ourselves, while falsehoods are the lies we are told by others for the sake of satisfaction and happiness. When we build our own fantasies we have logically (in perspectival theory) constructed happiness in a situation without sufficient evidence.  Since we have designed our own way into the fantasy, early on it is very difficult see the truth even if we wanted to; but, this delusion often wains with time as it's reality is only applicable within the realm of interiority.  With falsehoods the truth is slightly more available as it is being constructed for us and therefore, with the employment of a critical perspective, the cracks in the tale are more easily visible.  However, because falsehoods have more at stake because they involve more than a singular interiority, they are hardly viewed critically and often only crumble when necessity dictates, and sometimes not even then.  If we look hard enough, all the delusions of fantasy and falsehood may dissipate; however, who wants to break away from the fallacy if it provides happiness?  None of this is nearly as sinister as proper lies, but the fiction does pose the question: would you rather live happily in a lie, or miserably with the truth?

   Although men are not immune to these happenings by any means, it seems to be a trend more easily found in women.  More often than most of us would like to admit, we get caught up in the romance; of the movie, the song, the eyes of that cute boy across the room, and we don't look critically enough at ourselves or the situation to realize the obvious reasons why none of it is real.  Or, we are in a romance and can't see the forest for the trees, as they say.  Even though we all seem to want to live happily, it seems like what is only addressed from day to day is the break down of each lie without concern for the number of others we construct or believe.  Then we have to ask, is the problem the lie, or that we've been lied to?  And if it's that we've been lied to, can we ever be happy in that world?  You can break through each lie specifically, but you can't escape a world constructed with the principle of action, intention, and purpose of the lie itself if you don't choose to look at the forest.

   Lately I've been doing a personal experiment where I try to pull away from all the lies I believe and create for the sake of something seemingly better.  In theory, if it's not true then it shouldn't be considered better (but we'll see how far I get).  My experiment consists of limiting things which are physically falsifying, and mentally, even if I allow myself play time in fiction or day-dreams, I must never allow expectations of a similar reality to the interior fantasy and romance to emerge.  If romance comes about despite my cynicism... well, we'll just have to see if that's possible.  Romantic love might be lost to truth.  Which will probably be another post soon: love as a conception.

Fear and Ambition

   The first proper post I have found the time and resources to pull together and I have decided to start with the conflict this blog itself has made for me.  Though it is not such a problem currently since no one is actually reading this, the idea that someone might makes my guts churn.  The fear of judgement and idiocy spouting from my inexperienced mouth, and the potential for those same judgements being pressed upon my writing, which unfortunately is really all I have, is quite stifling.  However, this fear must be countered by pride and ambition in order to overcome my own pessimistic imagination and make available posts which might possibly be considered interesting or useful to someone else.  This is exactly what I would say to someone else in my position in any case, and I believe I should probably apply this to myself.  What I mean to ask is, how often do we hold ourselves back?

   Generally bravery and cowardice are thought of in conjunction with heroism and literal scenarios of fight or flight.  We don't often think about how ordinary situations are dealt with based on personal levels of cowardice and bravery.  Maybe the terms are just not applicable enough.  Fear, ambition, and necessity seem to hold more grounding in contemporary conflicts.  We allow fear of ourselves, fear of others, and fear of what might happen (the what-if's), to rule many of our decisions; but how often is this warranted?  It seems that often only people or scenarios with exceptional levels of ambition or necessity reach success (by choice, not accident).  If all it takes is some proper desire and a bit of extra effort, why don't we all want it enough?  Is it really just fear that keeps us from doing and saying all the things we should?

   This might be a portion of the issue, however it is much too simple and partially adhering to the American Dream ideal (if you just worked hard enough you can be or do anything [which is a fallacy of privilege, much like 'everything happens for a reason', if you didn't know]) to be absolutely true.  Despite its ineptitude of total applicability, I believe these are some points more people should think about next time one would like to confront a someone with an issue, play a song for an audience, apply for a job, or share a blog post ^_^ (To rely on a classy cliche) you miss all the shots you don't take/ the only one who loses out when you don't try, is you.

First Day On, First Day Off

So, though I'd love to give you all some wonderfully engaging post about something quite interesting, I have to dash off to work (where there is no internet) and haven't had the time to perfect anything for you.  However, since I don't want to leave you hanging for four days or so, I am fearfully posting a poem that I wrote awhile back.  It was written just after I had finished reading Steinbeck's Cannery Row, and was in a particular time of angst (as young girls generally are when they write poetry).  So I hope you enjoy my cleverly named poem, "Cannery Row"

after we had begun,
starfish bathed in the sun,

bringing joy to my eyes,

soothing the damaged sighs.

driving away, where to go?
as crabs stand in the foam,

growing as old as all,

watching the anger fall...

sadness shifts with the tide,
so shamed by how I lied,
seaweed wraps 'round my toes,

now I know where to go.

I'll go down to Cannery Row,

where the fish heads roll

and the drunkards stroll.

smells and sounds and spray
wash over me
when walking by the sea.
and the fine science of love leaves my mind

while I cry, sigh, and mellow,

down here at Cannery Row.

First and Foremost

   Since I don't know where to start, I suppose I'll do the usual thing and start from the beginning.

   As a student who regularly uses the phrase, 'majoring in English', I have found that a lot of what I do is less a study of physical text and more of a study of the human condition.  When I read, there's nothing more that I can gain from a text than can anyone else; but, the more I do read, and subsequently observe, the more I have found that literature -- high fiction, popular fiction, poetry, journal articles, etc. -- is generally just trying to figure out people, or convey who we think we are as people.  It is all wonderfully interesting, yet recently I have been informed by a friend that, in the contemporary realm, blogs are the new way to find and distribute insight about... well, everything.  The form and the information available is seemingly limitless.  This relates to the ideas and ideals of the human condition as well, in both form and content.  Now, though I doubt I can ever leave behind my tried and trusted friend the novel, it was suggested that I lay down the books here and there, and try my hand at blogging.  Sharing the bits I've learned or am currently questioning, about people.

   People are complex, confusing, subjective, and resolutely hopeful.  There's no way for me to address all of these points all the time, but as questions at issue arise, they will consistently be referenced.  The greatest thing I've come to reconcile about people is that, although we can find grand characteristics and poor characteristic in everyone, what we see as good and bad is subjected to us, to them, to the scenario, based on intention, and countered with other redeeming or distressing qualities.  For instance, if I may value my friend's honesty, it could also come across as nosy or inappropriately frank depending on the scenario, who she may be talking to, and what her intentions are behind what she has to say.  Also, this quality may be enacted, received, and valued differently when based on counter qualities, such as humility or boldness (which also add their own complexities).  All of these factors can twist a seemingly virtuous quality like being honest, and either hold it in high regard, or dismiss it as petty or embittered, among others.  The subjectivity of  life and people causes endless confusion, especially in relationships, and here is where I begin my... whatever this is ^_^

   [Actually, just before I begin, I want to say that I will not be taking into consideration for discussion things relating to mental illness -- autism, bipolarity, multiple personalities, schizophrenia, etc. -- because I am not a licensed anything and I don't think that those are appropriate topics for this blog.  However, I will look into the ideas of selfishness, pain (of various sorts), possibly addiction (although that may only arise as experiential retelling and not as discussion), and what I may refer to as 'crazies' (which include a number of understandable just-don't-get-it's).  When the 'crazies' come up I will explain exactly what they are referring to at the time.  I just want to make it clear that this will never be an attack or discussion of anyone who could not defend themselves or have health concerns.]

   Since I feel this has ragged on long enough, I will say farewell for now, it's been grand meeting you, and I cannot wait for the next post where I may actually say something of consequence ^_^